Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Hardest Job in the World

Okay, so the title of the post may be debatable. Certainly there are people in all sorts of professions that will argue that their job is the hardest. I’ve been exposed to a great number of jobs in my almost (cough cough) years here on Earth and even have practical experience in a wide variety of them. Hell, I had a job where I was promoted to cleaning toilets. Some of these jobs have been difficult.

Image courtesy vectorolie at http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/
There are some jobs that are done by hundreds of thousands of people worldwide and there are some jobs that only a few people in the entire world are taking on. Are the jobs in the latter group harder? Not necessarily. The job might be in an extremely remote area, or there may not be any need for more than one or two of these people, or it might be a nice-and-easy but really horrible job.

The hardest though? Well, from where I sit (currently my couch), one of the hardest jobs in the world – if not the hardest – is the one performed by the people who have accepted the challenge of creating something new. These are the people who will be bringing you the next big thing for some industry or the greatest thing since sliced bread for your home. Some will be saving the world and others will be writing the novel that our children’s children will be reading in school.

For obvious reasons, it’s the last item on that list that spawned this week’s post. With my first novel just into the re-writing and editing stage I suffer from no grand delusions that students will be discussing my work in their English classes any time soon. However, that’s not going to stop me from trying. The problem, and this is where the task becomes increasingly difficult, is that there are only so many stories that can be told.

Sure, there are a couple dozen genres and probably a hundred sub-genres to choose from, but how many different stories are there?

There’s the love story, the overcome diversity story, the bad guy makes good story. The coming of age story, the war story, the who done it story. The robbery, the life lesson, the superhero.

Image courtesy vectorolie at http://www.freedigitalphotos.net
There are only so many stories to tell. The challenge is in telling them differently, and the hardest challenge is in creating a brand new story from scratch – the story no one has ever told before. Great works of fiction have been created by doing the latter (being the first at anything noteworthy has a way of leaving a lasting impression), and certainly any of what we would call “the classics” today are great examples of doing the former, and doing it remarkable well.

But how?

There’s a great post floating around out there that quotes 23 famous people who have written famous things. These folks give their “expert” advice to the aspiring writer. There’s some good stuff in there and throughout many of the quotes you’ll find an underlying theme: do it your way.

Great writers seem to acknowledge that:

  1. the only way to be a writer is to write; and 
  2. every person is different. 

Therefore, every person who wishes to become a writer, must not just commit to putting words down on the page, but must commit to doing in their own style and with their own voice. They must take those parts of themselves that make them unique: the personal experiences, dreams, fantasies, and challenges – and they must create something new.

Blake Snyder wrote a great book on screenwriting that I’m currently reading. In “Save The Cat!“, he breaks down every movie ever made into one of 10 genres. That’s it. Ten stories. Ten stories with thousands of variations. He also tells a story about how the studio heads are always saying the same thing: “Give me the same thing, but different.”

It sounds so simple, but as it turns out that’s the hardest part. 

~ Andrew

Flash Fiction Challenge #1

Welcome to the very first Potato Chip Math / Tales of Whoa flash fiction challenge!

The rules are very simple: we give you a prompt and you write 500 words or less (including the prompt).

You can write in any style that you wish; just be sure to use the prompt exactly as it is shown, keep it under 500 words, write it in English, and ensure it’s completely made up (this is a flash fiction challenge after all).

Next week Gordon and I will post links to the pieces we liked the best and will probably do a shout out on Twitter to those folks if they so desire. After a few months we’ll compile a list of our favourites and we’ll get the Internet to vote. The winner will win stuff (to be determined, but we’re sure they’ll love it).

Now, without further ado we present this week’s prompt:

“I’m not sure it was entirely necessary, but I can guarantee you there’s a lineup of people behind me that will tell you he had it coming.”

Use the comments below to submit your work. You can submit anonymously, but if you don’t leave us an email address or something you can’t win.

Have fun!

~ Andrew & Gordon

Welcome to 2014

Happy New Year!

2014 is going to be a big one for me on a couple fronts, not the least of which is that I’ll have a book out. My first novel, No Fixed Address, was finished at the end of November and editing and rewrites begin in earnest sometime in the next few weeks. If I can get it traditionally published I’ll go that route, but it will be available electronically one way or another, I promise. I’m actually looking forward to my first rejection letter. Is that odd?

I’ll also try to finish novel #2 (tentatively titled The Book of Good) sometime before October. I picked this timeline for a couple reasons:

  1. It will give me time to edit and polish the first novel, 
  2. It will leave me with the month of October to outline…
  3. So I can participate in NaNoWriMo again – this time to finish No Known Cure (the sequel to No Fixed Address). 
Also on the writing front, I’ll be posting every Sunday again on a whole whack of topics, but with the majority touching on my experiences as an up-and-coming writer and what it’s like to live and interact with all these crazy strange interesting crazy writer-type-folks. 
Courtesy Stuart Miles at http://freedigitalphotos.net 
Speaking of crazy writer-type-folks, I am happy to announce that I have teamed up with author Gordon Bonnet to run a weekly flash fiction contest! Here’s the basic low-down on how it will all unfold:
  • Every Wednesday we will post a prompt; sometimes just a word, sometimes a sentence, maybe even a picture
  • Then, you leave a comment giving us 500 of your best words. It can be any genre or format that you wish but it must follow the prompt and it must be totally made up (please, let’s give ourselves a break from the real world for a few minutes, okay?) 
  • The next week Gordon and I will give a shout out to the entries that we liked the best and we’ll issue another prompt
  • Lather, rinse, repeat
Since both Gordon and I have blogs (Gordon’s is called Tales of Whoa) what we’ll do is alternate the hosting of the prompt and capturing of the comments. Don’t worry though, when you come to either of the blogs there will be a redirect to the one hosting the prompt. We figured this would cause less confusion than starting up a whole separate blog just for this. Plus we would have had to come up with a fancy name for it and that seemed like a whole lot of work.
Oh, I forgot the best part! Every three or four months Gordon and I will comprise a short list of about 10 of the entries from that period and we’ll put up a poll and have readers vote on which one they liked the most. After a voting period (exact amount of time still to be determined) the winner will receive free stuff! It will likely be free books written by either Gordon, myself, or someone who’s graciously donated one for us to give away. 
You could win books! Not these books though, they are my daughter’s.
This pic, links to posts and other fun stuff can be found on
my Facebook page 
You might be saying to yourself, “Self, I’m really interested in everything that Andrew guy has on the go for 2014. There couldn’t possibly be more, could there?” 
Ah, but there is!
A friend of mine, a writer and fellow creative, D. Savannah George, posted to Facebook the result of her attempt at taking a picture a day. She got well over 200 done, and I was suitably impressed; both with the dedication it required and with the resulting art. So, in the waning hours of 2013, and prompted by a few friends on Facebook (shout outs to Dana, Terre, Sami, Eleni, and DS!), I decided I would give it a shot this year. I started on January 1 as that’s the only day my OCD would allow. 
Check out my Picture a Day Tumblr blog for progress (I’ll definitely take a picture every day, but we’ll see if I manage to post one every day too).
That’s it for now, look for the very first Potato Chip Math / Tales of Whoa flash fiction contest on Wednesday, January 8!
~ Andrew

Year In Review / Best Of

As is customary at this time of year a blog post cop out is in order. Rather than come up with something engaging, intelligent, or funny to ramble on about I’m going to do a “Best of” and a personal year in review. I’ll do the “Best Of” portion first because most people will probably enjoy that more, although the year in review piece may be interesting to a few people as well. I’ll let you decide.

Best Of Potato Chip Math 2013!


Most viewed posts:
  1. Size Matters“, August 25
    • This surprise hit of the year was successful for a few reasons. First, it had a very searchable title [smile, wink], secondly it was on a topic that every writer/blogger struggles with at some point (“How many words do I need?”). Lastly, someone else posted this on Reddit in the /r/books subreddit and people clicked the living hell out of it. It’s now my most viewed post of all time.
  2. Raiders of the Lost Art“, September 29
    • This post on the decline of handwriting and how I could care less seemed to resonate with a lot of people. For some reason there are those who still think it should be taught in schools – in English class (I say leave it for art class and teach more useful skills in English).
  3. Your Comment is Awaiting Moderation“, September 1
    • Another successful post mostly because it’s a topic that just about every blogger has had to make a decision on at some point (“Do I moderate the comments on my blog?”). If you’ve read my blog before then you know that I do not, however, please be respectful.

Most commented on post:
  • One of These Facts is Actually a Lie“, March 17
    • The easiest way to get people to comment on your blog is to hold a contest in which the winner must comment on the post to win. The actual contest was secondary to the fun guessing game I put together in order to share a bit more information with my readers.
  • Honourable Mention to “Your Comment is Awaiting Moderation“, September 1
    • Worth noting as it was a non-contest post AND it was about blog comments!

Longest posts:

Shortest posts:
I can only find one trend between the length of my posts and the number of views each receives. My average post was 741 words (including this one) with the median value being 728 (same number of posts with fewer words as there are more words). If I look at the view rank of the posts for above and below the average and median it’s about the same BUT if I look at raw number of views for each half then what I find is the posts below the average and median receive about 35% fewer views. Moral of the story: I will keep my posts around 750 words for better viewing (not sure how a 2,000 word post will do and I’m not sure I want to try).

Least viewed posts:

Reading these back at least two of those thee posts suck outright, with the remaining one in the “not very good” category. That’s okay though, they can’t all be gold. Every artist needs a Gigli on their resume 😉


      My favourite post:
      • Equality Means Equal“, June 29, 10th most viewed post in 2013
        • I like this post because it speaks directly to how I feel about the issue of equal rights for all humans. Equality is an absolute. There is no room for interpretation. Get on board with it.


        WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE POST?

        • Post a link to the title and date of publication in the comments, along with why it was your favourite!

        Now for the Year in Review portion of the show. Back in January I set some pretty ambitious targets. Not necessarily resolutions, but sort of. Here they are along with how I think I did:

        • When one of my kids is nearby I will put my laptop or phone aside, and even if they are not desiring my attention, I will give it to them
          • I did not too badly with this one. The biggest problem is that my kids are growing up and don’t need or want as much attention from me or my wife any more!


        • When asked to do something by my wife, I will do it right then or I will set a reminder in my phone if it needs to be done later
          • Phone reminders help. I think I passed this one more often than I failed, but I’ll leave it to her to decide 🙂


        • I will get out and see my friends. This means one event every now and then as well as coffee or tea with individuals at lunch or whenever our schedules align. This also includes golf 🙂
          • I had tea/coffee/lunch with several friends on several occasions and golfed with several people I hadn’t golfed with previously. Big win on this front, even though it could still be more. I did start volunteering with Ignite Waterloo and that has opened up a whole new list of possibilities.


        • I will buy some local art
          • I totally did. A Jennifer Gough painting now hangs in my living room!

        • I will read more books written by people I know and I will give them honest and constructive feedback. I would be forever grateful if they would do the same for me
          • I did this but could also do more. I read every story in the anthology I was published in plus read books by Tess Thompson, Gordon Bonnet, Robert Chazz Chute. I need to do reviews for a couple of these still, but I will!

        I also had a few very specific writing goals to accomplish. They were stretch goals at the absolute best but I managed to knock off a few. My successes: 


        • Finished the first draft of novel #1 
        • Won NaNoWriMo (for the second year in a row)
        • Started a screenplay
        • Wrote 1 blog post every week for the entire year (plus a bonus post in memory of Ryan)

        That last one was absolutely instrumental in the success of my blog. For most of the year my traffic practically doubled, with an almost 400% increase for a few months near the end of the year as some writing-specific and NaNoWriMo posts got some good Reddit traction. 
        So what’s in store for next year? Well for starters there will be a cop out start of year post but there will also be a few tips in there about a few things I’ve learned. Plus, I think I’m going to do a new weekly feature in addition to a weekly post. I’m still sorting out the details and I might do it in conjunction with another writer/blogger but stay tuned!
        That’s it for me in 2013. Thanks to each and every one of you for reading and I wish you all a healthy and successful 2014.
        ~ Andrew

        Danny F*$&@! Kaye

        Well, it’s almost the end of the year, and there will be many people taking some time off work over the next couple weeks. I’m no exception. I am on vacation this week and it couldn’t have come at a better time. I just wrapped up a major project at work and I still have a few things to do before Christmas; not the least of which is watch some excellent holiday movies.

        My all-time favourite by a landslide is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation starting Chevy Chase. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen it, but it’s more than a few, and I can’t get enough of it. With my kids getting a bit older now (11 and 7) I felt it was time they were introduced to this holiday classic. I had them close their eyes for the diving board scene and I “out of the blue” coughed loudly when Clark Griswold dropped the F-bomb. Other than that, it was perfectly only slightly inappropriate. It got laughs out of them and they weren’t playing Minecraft so I’m happy.

        A couple weeks ago we took the kids to see what you’d think would be a more suitable movie, Irving Berlin’s Holiday Inn. This is a 1942 classic starring Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire. It’s a good movie with some great old-time music. It was perfectly enjoyable but did get a bit awkward afterwards trying to explain to the kids why there was that one scene where a man and woman sang a number in blackface with an orchestra of actual black folks. I guess those wholesome good ole fashioned values didn’t always hit the mark.

        Another Irving Berlin classic, White Christmas, will be watched as a family this year with Fred Astaire being replaced by Danny Kaye. My wife and I have seen the stage production and it’s quite enjoyable. I know my daughter will like the music and my son the dancing so it should be a good time. No f-bombs and no blackface that I know of.

        Other flicks that might make an appearance at some point over the next few days include: Miracle on 34th Street (1947), Home Alone, A Christmas Carol (1951), Scrooged, Elf, Sound of Music, It’s A Wonderful Life, Frosty the Snowman, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966), and of course Charlie Brown Christmas.

        No matter how you choose to spend these last days of 2013 I hope you get to spend it with people you love and care about, and for those who celebrate on the 25th I hope you have the hap hap happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny fucking Kaye.

        [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk74WprmZxY?rel=0]

        ~ Andrew

        You Are Getting Sleeeeeepy…

        I have suffered from insomnia for about four years now. If anyone out there has even gone a few nights without a good night’s sleep you know how debilitating it can be. I spent the greater part of 18 months without more than a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep each night and I was basically a high functioning zombie.

        There was no shortage of people willing to impart their advice on the situation either:

        Have you tried this?
        Yes, it did not work.

        Have you tried that?
        Yes, it did not work.

        Have you been to a sleep study?
        Yes, twice. They prescribed me medication. It sort of worked but I had to take two pills every day.

        Hmm…
        Yes, hmm indeed.

        I sleep really well. Always have. I can sleep anytime anywhere. It’s awesome.
        I’m sure it is. I’ve even gone to a six week information/instructional on how to sleep!

        Really? They have classes for that?
        Yes, and I fell asleep in the last lecture.

        Now that’s irony at its finest.
        Indeed.

        Have you tried…

        Well, you get the idea by now I’m sure. At any rate, what does this have to do with anything? I’ll meander y’all to the point in just a second, I promise.

        The key to sleep in humans is melatonin. The only word to describe this stuff is “magical”, so naturally one of the things I tried was some melatonin supplements. I tried 0.5mg and later 0.25mg and I might have well been taking sugar pills. My non-expert opinion was that this was because it wasn’t naturally occurring. You see, tryptophan metabolizes into seratonin; and if it’s dark out it’s further metabolized into melatonin, and that’s the stuff that promotes sleep. Just plunking the melatonin in directly didn’t seem to be working.

        So, enter in this stuff called ZenBev®. Sounds like new age hippy juice, right? Well it sort of is. I call it my magic pumpkin powder. It’s basically powdered tryptophan made from pumpkin seed flour. The myth of the tryptophan loaded turkey dinner is partially true, only turkey has about as much of it as any other meat and three times less than dried egg white and about half as much as dried pumpkin seeds (if you care, the winner by a mile is Alaskan sea lion).

        Sea Lions Up Close courtesy Liz Noffsinger at http://www.freedigitalphotos.net 

        Again, you may be asking, what does this have to do with anything? Fine, I’ll get right to it then. Thanks for sticking with me so far (hopefully still awake, though after first re-read of this post I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve nodded off).

        I tried ZenBev® and I immediately started sleeping better. Not more, but better. Same number of hours of sleep at night but I wasn’t falling asleep at my desk at 3:00 every afternoon. The really awesome part though was that I started dreaming again. I’ve probably had less than a handful of dreams in the last four years and after two weeks on this magic pumpkin powder I’m dreaming five or six nights a week, and let me tell you, after going so long without recognizing that I’d had a dream this current influx has me discombobulated to say the least. It’s not quite Jacob’s Ladder crazy, but I have got to say it’s really something.

        After a couple weeks of getting some better sleep I’ve felt the urge to be creative again. November was a bit crazy with NaNoWriMo and a work project is bringing some high stress moments at my day job so the first week of December wasn’t much from a creativity standpoint. A couple weeks of dreaming though and my brain itching for creation again, and that’s a good thing. I’m also starting to figure out what The Beatles were talking about in their song I Am The Walrus.

        I am the egg man.

        [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sc0L1UoO1M?rel=0]

        ~ Andrew

        Switching Gears

        Not quite two weeks ago I found myself approaching the 50,000 word mark for my NaNoWriMo project a good four or five days ahead of schedule. From the beginning, well before November 1st, I decided that I would “win” NaNo and then clean up the last 5,000 words (or so) of my first novel. Let me just tell you that as someone who was struggling to put the final touches on a first draft of a manuscript this seemed like a great way to finally just get ‘er done AND be a good 50-60% of the way through my second book.

        (Yes, I just used bold, underline, all caps, and italics in the same sentence. Don’t judge.)

        So, I crossed the 50,000 word plateau and found myself staring a NaNo victory in the face and I took an hour off to savour it. I even poured myself a (not so) small glass of 40 Creek Barrel Select Canadian whiskey. I went on Facebook and Twitter and I told the world that I had just achieved National Novel Writing Month success for the second year in a row. After 60 minutes of bragging and patting myself on the back it was time to ride the momentum of the writing train and switch gears.


        Here’s the thing though, the book that I had just spent writing 2,000 words a day every day for 26 days is about a serial killer who preys on unsuspecting people (mostly women) who have broken some sort of ethical (and quite arbitrary) code. The book that I was putting the finishing touches on is about a paranoid computer genius with a medical secret who erases his digital history in an effort to hide from a surreptitious government agency who wants to use him as a pawn in a morally corrupt game of bio-warfare

        When I sat down at the end of my hour long reward/break I jumped right to a bookmark that I had put in my manuscript somewhere within the last five chapters of the book. For the next half hour I spent most of my time typing the wrong names and using language not normally associated with clandestine government operations and computer geeks. It was frustrating, and reading it back now it’s quite clear it was pretty terrible writing. 


        So what did I do? I could have gone to the internet in search of answers but to be quite honest I didn’t have the luxury of spending a lot of time surfing around for answers. I had a deadline, albeit a self imposed one, and I knew getting lost in the web would kill any momentum that I had going. Instead, I decided to look within.

        Here are the four steps I took to get me back on track:

        1. I spent ten minutes reading the scenes before and after where I had identified more work was needed
        2. I then picked a section that was heavier in narrative or action than dialogue and wrote until I got to a heavy dialogue section. I meandered through it and took my time, just getting a feel for the setting and the environment. Painting a picture, if you will – Bob Ross style. 
        3. Then, I reviewed my character notes and spent a few minutes letting each one’s voice into my head; getting a feel for “hearing” them talk. What do their accents sound like? Do they have particular phrases they like to use?  Etc…
        4. Finally, I wrote a very dialogue heavy scene. Lots of characters saying lots of things to each other with very little punctuation and minimal dialogue tagging. I let their voices out and brought the characters to life.

        Within an hour I had written a few very good pages and I never looked back. The rest of the words just seemed to flow freely from then on.

        Would I recommend such a switch to others? Hard to say – I haven’t been doing this long enough to know if it’s a good practice or not – I just know that the one time I did it was a bit of a shock but it ended up working out just fine. Plus, I write a blog post every week no matter what I’m writing and those seem to be going well. So maybe variety is in fact the spice of life… and writing.

        I’d love to hear about your experiences with literary task switching; both successful and challenging experiences alike. Leave a comment with your thoughts. Thanks for reading!

        ~ Andrew

        Thanks to http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/ for the use of the following images:

        • “Gear Head Time and Thinking” courtesy of Sailom
          • “Hammer Hitting Computer Shows Angry Laptop” courtesy of Stuart Miles

        Now What?

        The anatomy of a NaNoWriMo journey and what lies beyond

        It’s somewhat convenient that December 1st falls on a Sunday this year as it allows me the opportunity to provide a post-NaNoWriMo analysis while it’s still fresh in my mind.

        For starters, I won!

        Not everyone did, however, but that’s okay. Unlike those techie jerks on Linux forums who berate and belittle those who don’t “get it” I am equally as proud of everyone who tried and didn’t make it to the 50,000 word mark as I am those who did. There were some truly inspirational stories this year to be sure, not the least of which is Cate, a high school girl in Ottawa who wrote 16,000 words on the last day to claim victory. Now that’s impressive on so many levels.

        Cate’s Graph. Check out days 10, 12, 19 and 30!

        What it takes for one person to meet the target is different for everyone. Notice I used the phrase “meet the target” instead of the word “success”? That’s because success is different for everyone as well. Success for me was getting 50,000 words written on a new novel while tying up a few loose ends on the novel I started last year. Yes, it was considered “done” but there were a couple gaps that needed filling and I wasn’t happy with it as it was. Not happy enough to say that I had finally written my first book, at least.

        Regardless of what the measure of success is, if you were simply trying to hit a target (50,000 words or some other number) or if you were trying to polish off that long forgotten manuscript, or if you were simply trying to see what you were realistically capable of stringing together in the time you weren’t being a mom/dad/student/employee/vampire/zombie/werewolf/wizard/husband/wife/friend/hobbit/daughter/son; there are a few things that you’ll need if you’re going to pull it off:

        1. Desire
        2. Commitment
        3. Support

        Much like any other journey, it starts with desire. Desire to see something, see someone, accomplish something, make a difference… In a nutshell, you have to want to get off your ass in the first place (or in the case of writing, sit your ass down).

        Just starting isn’t enough, though. You have to continue. You must persist. You have to be more than dedicated. You have to be committed. You have to be a pig. Say what?! This is a common analogy in the Agile software development world. Think of your journey as breakfast. Who would you rather be, the chicken or the pig? The chicken is dedicated. The chicken will wake up every morning with the sun and give you an egg. The pig, however, the pig is committed. The pig quite literally has skin in the game. The pig is committed, and you need to be as well (if not as you go then quite possibly – though in a different sense – after).

        Finally, you need support. I wrote back in January that while writing seems like a solitary practice it’s actually not. It requires interaction and support from a variety of people. Surrounding yourself with people that understand and appreciate what you’re trying to accomplish is absolutely necessary. A support network of people who have a genuine interest in what you’re doing is absolutely invaluable. This year I leaned heavily on my wife, kids, and a couple Facebook groups of like-minded crazy people and it was absolutely instrumental to my success.

        So now what?

        If your novel is done, take some time off and distance yourself from it. Stat revisions and edits in the new year sometime. If it’s not done then set a schedule and finish it. Me? Well, I’m shelving the novel that’s complete, hitting pause on the 60% of one I just wrote, and trying my hand at writing a screenplay. After the screenplay is done then this year’s novel will be finished and then I’ll start revising novel #1.

        Whatever’s next up on your agenda, I wish you all the best with it. I can’t help you with the first two items on the list but I can definitely help you with the third one. Find me here, or on Facebook or Twitter anytime, and I wish you all good writing.

        ~ Andrew

        The End is Nigh

        Do you hear that?

        What do you mean, “no”?
        You sure you can’t hear that?
        Listen carefully. Listen very carefully.
        There! Do you hear that?
        Of course you do. It’s unmistakable. 
        That, my friends, is the sound of The End, and it’s coming for you.
        Well, not for you specifically, but rather for your NaNoWriMo story. 
        Depending on what part of the world you’re in there is anywhere between 5 and 6 days left to pound the keyboard and get the remainder of your 50,000 words down on the page. Some of you will be checking your graph on the NaNoWriMo site and doing some quick math:

        Arithmetic at its finest

        As we discussed last week, quitting is not an option. Quitting is for uh… quitters. More importantly, you don’t gain a damn thing from throwing in the towel. You don’t gain experience, your story certainly gain anything, and you sure has hell don’t gain any knowledge. You do learn a little something about yourself in that process though, and you might be okay with what you uncover. If that’s the case then you probably won’t want to keep reading this post because I’m about to try to get all inspirational and stuff.

        Take this from a guy that has about a dozen other half finished pieces of writing sitting in a folder. Quitting is a habit. A bad one; and to kick the habit you first have to want to kick the habit. If you’re still reading this after I suggested you stop a paragraph ago I’m going to assume that you at least have a modicum of desire to press on. An excellent first step.

        Ready?

        Now, the next step is an equally important one: GO!

        “Huh… wha…?” you just muttered, possibly with an expletive.

        You heard me, the next step is the one you’ve been doing on-and-off for the past 24 days. My guess is that if you’re surprised by this step that your writing has been more off than it has been on. I’m here to tell you that that’s okay. The reality is that you might not get your 50,000 words in by the end of the week, but, and this is a big but (I cannot lie), every word you write now will get you one word closer to finishing your story. It’s going to take as many as it takes to finish it and if any are missing a week from now, a month from now, or even a year from now it’s going to be a lot harder to fill them in later than it will be to fill them in now.

        I know of what I speak. My 50,000 from last year’s NaNo got hacked up into 20,000 words for a “Book 2” and 30,000 words for the book I started. At the time, it was March and I had only 60% of what I had the previous December. So I started writing. Then I stopped writing. Then I started again. Then I took a break. Well, you get the idea. Now I’m about 5,000 words from cracking a bottle to celebrate. The only problem is November rolled around again.

        *sigh*

        That’s why I’m so intent on staying three or four days ahead of this thing because my goal for NaNo this year is the 50,000 words I set out to write PLUS the 5,000 I’m still missing from last year. The point being, had I just written those words last year, or the year before – when I quit – I wouldn’t have this guy hassling me all the time:

        R.B. Wood’s Kickstarter has just 6 days left too. #justsayin

        In summary: 
        Just keep writing. Not just for the next 6 days, but for the 1,667 after that.
        Your characters will thank you. Your future fans will thank you.
        You’ll thank you (and I won’t have to give R.B. your phone number).

        ~ Andrew


        “Sprinter Getting Ready to Start the Race” courtesy stockimages at http://freedigitalphotos.net

        Eddie… I Want Half

        Back in 1989 I was all of fifteen years old. My family had a VCR but mom and dad got to pick the movies so there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that either one of them would let me rent the critically acclaimed box office hit Raw starring none other than Eddie Murphy. Fortunately for me I worked at a video store and had a friend nearby who shared my particular interest in seeing this movie.

        One afternoon with his parents out and my shift complete at the video store I walked over to my friend’s house and we sat there and watched Eddie Murphy sling cuss words for into a microphone for 90 minutes in front of a packed house in New York City. It was awesome! One particular bit that he did caught my attention, and that was the piece he referred to as half.

          Me imitating Eddie Murphy  imitating Johnny Carson after he gave up half.  

        This is a topical bit for the time in which it was written (1987). Johnny Carson had just gone through a divorce in which his now ex-wife had received a ton of money in the settlement (FYI, it wasn’t half)[1]. Murphy does a good five minute bit on half. I won’t get into the details here but if you want to check out the bit on YouTube you can go right ahead. It’s not nearly as funny as a 39 year old as it was almost a quarter century ago, but the basic gist of the story is simple: half is a lot.

        Skipping ahead five half decades we’ve just past the mid-way point of this NaNoWriMo adventure and what you should have figured out by now is… half is a lot.

        Last week I wrote about the importance of getting ahead early and maintaining the momentum. At this stage, if you’ve fallen behind it’s going to be an uphill climb for sure but the good news is there’s still a lot of time left. I have had a couple off days but have managed to build on my two day buffer from a week ago and am now sitting on a three day buffer. My philosophy has been simple: if I can write 1,667 words then I can write 2,000.

        If you haven’t reached the 28,333 words required to date to maintain the pace through the first seventeen days then do not fret. You still have just about half the time left to reach your goal. Through thirteen days I had written 25,868 words and that included a slow start on day one and close to a goose=egg on day seven.

        “But I’ve only written 15,00 words so far. There’s no way I can finish in time!”

        I call B.S. on that right here and now. A friend of mine got behind and said that he was going to have to start setting his sights lower. My first comment to him was that he should be taking the exact opposite approach. He should aim higher.

        Let’s use my hypothetical from above. Let’s say you’re only 15k into this thing and you’re sitting on your couch reading this blog post sometime during the day of November 17. You’ve got thirteen writing days left to finish 35,000 words. Round that sucker up to 39,000 words (to make the math jive with my OCD) and divide by thirteen. That’s 3,000 words a day.

        Will that be difficult? Yes.

        Is it impossible? Absolutely not.

        Find yourself some writing buddies online and run some sprints. Sprints are a great way to force a good half hour block of words. If you normally like to sit and read the news in the morning use that time to write instead. Fifteen minutes here and fifteen minutes there and the words start adding up. Record those shows and watch them in December. Jon Steward and Stephen Colbert will still be funny in a couple weeks, I promise.

        The important thing to take away from this is don’t give up. Two years ago I fell into a funk around day ten and it looked irrecoverable. By day twelve I crawled back up to the break even point, but it took a 4,000 word day to get there and I was spent. I didn’t think I had enough gas in the tank to sustain any sort of pace and I knew some slow days were ahead. They’d put me in the hole again and I’d have to pull out another 4k miracle to get back up. So I just gave up.

        Here’s what that graph looks like:

        It looks really crappy, doesn’t it? That’s because it is. It’s a crappy, depressing, shameful graph. Even if the brown bars didn’t end up reaching the grey line on day 30 it still would have looked like a better graph than this flat line piece of garbage.

        The takeaway here? Don’t give up. You don’t want to have to stare at a graph like this every time you log into the NaNoWriMo site in October to register that year’s book. Instead, why don’t you take a good hard look at my graph, acknowledge it’s crappiness, agree that you don’t need one that looks similar, stop reading this blog post (tell your friends to read first), and go write something!

        May the words be with you.

        ~ Andrew