Tag Archives: R.I.P.

Losing Vern

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Birthdays have been tough since 2009 as it seems every one is a reminder of losing Ryan. Truth be told, very few days go by where one of us doesn’t remember him in some way, so it’s not so much the actual day as it is just one more reminder. I take solace in the fact that there were so many wonderful things to remember. 

So, another year passes. Loss helps me keep perspective: as long as I keep having birthdays things can’t be all that bad. As the saying goes – every day on this side of the grass is a good one! Thank you, Ryan, for showing so many of us how to appreciate living, how to love with all our hearts, and how to laugh as often as possible (especially at ourselves).

A Day Just Like Any Other? Not Really.

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My birthday is almost here again, and while I’m happy to be celebrating another one, for some reason I feel old. I haven’t felt like this since I turned 30, and this one isn’t even another major milestone. On March 13 I’ll be 38 years old, but unlike that guy from the Tragically Hip song, I have in fact kissed a girl. That’s not old by any measure, unless you live in biblical times, or you’re talking to one of my kids, or the babysitter. So what is it? It’s a day just like any other… right?

Well, there is the whole anniversary of Ryan’s death. That was understandably the shittiest birthday in the history of birthdays, and the two that have passed since have been varying degrees of happy and sad. Happy because I have so many wonderful people in my life that wish me well and with whom I genuinely enjoy spending time, and sad because my birthday is now an annual reminder of what’s missing.

The thing is, it would be a rare occurrence if more than two days went by where I wasn’t reminded of him, and what a big void that exists now that he’s gone. That wasn’t a fat joke Ryan, not completely at least. My birthday is a day just like any other… right?

Last week I was cleaning out the file cabinet and I came across our will. We still haven’t changed it. Ryan was to look after the kids should something terrible happen to both my wife and I. That day wasn’t my birthday. What about when I came across my snazzy new orange shoes (orange was Ryan’s favourite colour)? My first thought was that he’d thoroughly approve of the choice, but be surprised if I actually bought them. That day wasn’t my birthday either. None of the other couple hundred days in the year where something like that happens were. So why does this one day have to be different from all the others? It’s a day just like any other… right?

You’d think if anything it would be better, what with all the birthday wishes on Facebook and Twitter, the cards, the phone calls, and the now annual steak dinner out with friends. In that sense it is better. At a minimum I appreciate everything and everyone I have around me more and more every year, but it’s not a “better” day, it’s different, and it’s not just like all the others. It’s one that’s frozen in time and it stands out, not just for me but for the hundreds of people that knew him.

Honestly though, with as many reminders as I get all year, having one that’s not just like any other is fine with me. Ryan wasn’t just like anyone else and our memories of him shouldn’t be like any others either.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSVM7Ho1Je0?hl=en&fs=1]

Bitter Sweet Symphony

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Today marks the 37th anniversary of being brought into this world – kicking and screaming – and looking more yellow than some Bananas in Pyjamas due to a solid case of Jaundice. Overall, I’d say that 36 of them have been varying degrees of great, with the one exception being about as bad as it gets and dragging down the average considerably.
Today also marks the 2nd anniversary of the worst day in my short life to this point.  With my 6 year old daughter in the Dominican with my wife, I got a phone call at home expecting it was a birthday wish, but instead was my father-in-law calling to tell me that my wife’s younger brother had passed away. The rest of my day was trying to get in touch with her to deliver the news – a phone call that still rings in my ears almost every waking minute – and find a way to get them back home as quickly as possible.
Last year was not so shit-hot as it re-opened the pretty deep wound from a year before, but it was encouraging as so many people wished me a Happy Birthday which brought to the surface the fact that I am truly fortunate to have so many friends, and to have a big loving family within such a short distance of where I now call home.
So here’s to remembering one of the greatest friends and family members a person could ask for, on a day when I get reminded dozens of times just how lucky I am to have completed another lap around the Sun, even if it is a 939,845,775 kilometre road trip that’s not nearly as fun without him.